And the award for dumbest question I've been asked over the phone goes to...

I been in the office a lot daily and I've tried to answer the phone more.  I think it's a good thing to assist customers and bands it's just the phone is not always the best way to do things.  Most of the time just a minute or two research online would save both parties a lot of time.  Thinking a little also helps.

Someone who called about 5 minutes ago provided the perfect example.  The call went something like this:

Me: "Hodi's can I help you"
Stupid Person: "uhh I understand you have an event with some bands tonight?"
Me: "Yes we do"
Stupid Person: "Can I like just come in without buying a ticket?"
Me: (Dreams of saying - "Can you come into the show for free we're charging a cover for?  No please go find a solid wall and bounce your head off it till you figure out why that was a stupid question").  I actually said "No, just like a movie theater, if you want to go in and see a movie you have to buy a ticket."
Customer: "Oh...thanks"

I pondered explaining why that was a moronic question but I don't think it'd be worth the effort in any way.  I was too stunned to be sarcastic. 





 :

Jujitsu, Kicking Ass, and The Meanest Letter I've written in awhile

Our CSU jujitsu class started yesterday and the group we have looks pretty promising.  We'll see who actually last the semester.  Even when my instructor was around our classes would go from 15-20 students and end up with 3 by the end of the semester.

Went from class to work and had a near sold out show on Tuesday for our year anniversary of not being sold/new partners buying in.  Had a lot of great regulars show up to help celebrate and tip well to boot.  Very fun night to work.  I been having a lot of fun behind the bar lately and it's been paying off.  I've had a number of customers tell me I was a great bartender, they like me, etc.  I'm shocked how easy it is to be nice to people and how well they respond to as a bartender.  I'm making more money and having more fun.

Course I wouldn't be me if I wasn't a grumpy asshole from time time to time and after telling the guys next door to get there damn cars out of my private lot by 6 (We actually let them park in lot during the day) I finally snapped when the same guy I told last week to move his car (At 7pm) left his car in the lot past 9pm last night and one of my staff had to park in the lot next to Hodi's.  It's the same place him and our sound engineer were parked when their tires were slashed a few weeks ago.  I decided to leave him this:

click photo to enlarge

Strangely I don't see his car in my lot today.  It may seem a bit harsh but I can't regret the letter, the profanity, or the fact I taped the shi*t out of the letter when attaching it to his window.  And as mean as it is, I could have just towed his ass.  

Class, work, done at 330am, bed at 5.  Up at 1030 for work.  Bleh....

Whiskey in a can...one of many things I should have thought of

It's not real Scotch and it probably doesn't taste good but I think it's a real step forward for mankind.  Whiskey in a can!

Creepy Dad and Ipad track pad - Macterbation and more

Becca and I watched  Dexter: The Fourth Season like we usually do - 4 episode at a time.  We finished the season in like 3 days. The villian in season 4 locks his daughter in her room.  I thought that was a bit creepy and then i saw this on the door to the second bedroom in the house:

I remember from the first time I saw the house - that this was the kid's room.  Apparently locking your child in their room is a more common practice than I knew.  Or the guy who use to own this place was a serial killer.  Strangely enough just like the villian, the previous homeowner liked to do carpentry.  Unfortunately unlike Dexter's villian, this guy sucked.  One of my goals for this summer to fix the house up a bit.

In equally unimportant (yet much cooler) news, I downloaded an app that lets me use my Ipad as a keyboard.

It works pretty well and using my pad' (Thats what we cool kids call our tablet computers) as a wireless keyboard is pretty cool.  Using my Ipad as a keyboard for a Mac does seem like a bit much though.  Maybe later I'll put on headphones, listen to my Ipod, while I browse the net on my Mac, using my Ipad to type in searches on google.  Macterbation at it's finest.  If only I had an Iphone....

New Photo Scanning Business

So I teamed up with our house photographer at the bar and put together a little photo scanning business. We can scan and restore pictures, documents, and 35mm film plus photo negatives.  Visit our site at http://sharpscans.highwire.com/.  Help us get off the ground by passing the word along to family, friends, relatives, etc!

Happy Festivus...A story that could only come out of Orange County

Found this story on msn.com.  An inmate in Orange County, out of concern for his diet tried, to get something different than the usual salami meal.  Unfortunately for the inmate, kosher meals are reserved for inmates with religous reasons for not eating the standard prison meal.  He complained and  when brought before a judge his lawyer cited Festivus - a holiday created by Frank Costanza from Seinfeld.  It worked too for a little bit, the inmate got kosher meals for 2 months before the county had the order thrown out.  You can read the rest of the story here

And if you'd like to learn about the wonderful holiday of Festivus watch this:

Back?

Yep I'm back.  Shouldn't have been gone in the first place but I got a bit lazy and busy at the same time.  Doesn't mix too well.

Things are relatively good.  I sold my digital camera on Ebay.  As much as I wanted to film my product review for the powerband I just couldn't justify having a camera I never used that I paid a decent amount for when I have bills to pay.  Using that money and additional money made bartending I've put a decent chunk of cash into the company to repay what I owe in addition to paying our lawyer off and an employee who the business owed.  Getting rid of debt feels good!  Only another another $270,000 and I'll have the business and personal debts cleared.  Some of that the business itself will take care of hopefully.  Between the lawyer, accountant, employee debt owed and what I owe the business I've paid off close to 4k in the last 3 months.  I've also paid off a bit on some personal credit cards.  If I can keep doing this for 5 years I'll be set.  That's a bit depressing...

I also quit drinking almost a month ago, quit soda the week after, and finally red bull the week after that.  I'm just too busy right now to feel even a little hungover even once a week.  And honestly I don't enjoy beer or even whiskey enough just to drink one with dinner so if I'm not going to be having a few and good time, I dont' see a reason to do it at all.  After quitting all 3 I do feel a little better.  Even when I'm beat I'm not quite as exhausted as I usually am.  As a bar owner though I'd encourage everyone around Fort Collins to come buy soda/red bull/alcohol or some mixture of any two at Hodi's...I got bills to pay!

I started working out again too last week and have been to the gym 4 times in the last week.  It's been pretty pathetic but I do swell up pretty quick so at least I'll look better pretty quick.  I can't come close to doing what I use to though.  Guess it'll take some time.

Got my tax refund last month and it was the biggest I'd ever gotten - $1100.  Gave me a bit of breathing room.  Got me thinking about how I need to get a bit of bump here and there to get a head.  As much as I've paid off in the last few months there is still a lot more I could paying off and things are tight enough already.  I need to figure out how to make another $30 a day or $1000/month.  As is, I could spend the next 3-5 years doing what I'm doing and end up at zero by the end of things which would be nice to some extent but I don't want to be 32 and at zero.  Compound interest tends to add up, the time to start saving was now/5 years ago.


So I got pile of debt, not entirely sure my floor at bar will last another few years, and I'm working all the time but I'm paying stuff off, getting healthy, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving which is one of two days during the entire year no one can ask me anything about work.  I can go an entire day without having my phone on and everything won't go to shit.  I'm spending the day by myself cleaning the house and playing video games.  The dogs and I will split a small turkey it'll be great.  Is that sad I'm looking forward to this?  I don't think it is, like I mentioned previously I have 2 days a year where I won't get a work related phone call.

Just a warning - anyone calls about business tomorrow just to spite me - I will kill you.  Slowly.

And finally for your enjoyment - the hottest workout video girl ever

Cross Dressing and an Ugly Burn - My most disgusting blog to date

Last Sunday a buddy came back to town and stopped by my house to pick up his motorcyle I been holding for him.  It needed a little work so a friend of his asked me to tilt the bike back.  I didn't know it'd been running for a bit and put the exhaust right up against my shin.  Not a pleasant feeling.  It created a huge blister that didn't look too bad till it popped.  This is it 2 days after

I shaved around the blister and kept it clean and covered for a few days and it's finally starting to get better.  It was almost a blessing in disguise.  The first few days after I burned myself I'd wake up and redress my bandage and before I'd wrap it up I'd throw some hydrogen peroxide on it and I'd wake up pretty damn quick after.  Must be like what coffee does to some people minus the burning sensation.

Going from gross to absolutely disgusting Tour de Fat was this weekend, which meant both my roommate and friend had to dress in drag, drink a lot and ride bikes around now.  A farmer's tan is bad - a tan from wearing a dress and bra is much worse.  And of course, being guys with stuffed bra's they did exactly what guys with boobs would do - molest the crap out of themselves.  It just goes to show when given the chance a straight man cannot resist grabbing a a boob.

No Power Balance Video review yet due to too much work.  Soon though.  I may spend the extra time and do a bit more research.

Jujitsu class at CSU is going very well.  Small class but good students and I have access to the weight room and facilities any day I have class for the entire day.  Unfortunately the pool, sauna, and hot tub won't be ready till after spring break next year.

Back to bartending 5 nights a week.  Should be good, I'll be able to pay off my debts to the company and whatever personal debt I have too.  It's a lot of work and I did 20 hours in two days last week but it's what it takes.  Shit needs to get done and done right one way or the other.  Not always fun.

On a happier note - Japanese Ping Pong

Amazing catches and riots

Before I run off and do inventory and whatever else I need to for work here's a few amazing catches from some Japanese baseball games that happened this summer.  Yahoo Sport labeled this "The most amazing catch we'll see this season"


EMBED-Spiderman Style Baseball Catch - Watch more free videos

Then this happened a few weeks later.



Of course if you were actually at the stadium you'd discover that the wall is only 3ft high.  They're a short people.

Finally here's a link to some videos from this weekends New West Fest riots.  Nothing special I was hoping to see some more aggressive baton use on some stupid people. 

Lots to do today, little time to do it.

Kids these days

Tonight we had a private party at Hodi's for a girl's 21st birthday. Worked out pretty well till the end when all the drunk college kids started acting like drunk college kids. All kinds of fun. Turns out though we had a fairly well behaved crowd compared to the rest of Old Town. This weekend is New West Fest in Fort Collins and the first night and today seemed to go well. Big crowds in old town, live music, vendors, big affair. Became a much bigger affair toward the end of the night. Saw a lot of cops south of Hodi's. Had heard some guy got stabbed. Some how it became a riot and we could see the tear gas from Hodi's. Heard something about chairs or people being thrown through shop windows. By the time Travis was changing the marque the cops had cordoned off Old Town and were walking down College Ave in a line wearing riot gear carrying tear gas and paintball guns pushing people out of area.

What the hell is wrong with people? How many people really need tear gas shot at them to decide to behave? Too many stupid people I guess. Wherever i retire I'll have to make sure to go somewhere far away from stupid people.

Oh the Power!

Got my Power Balance Wristbands in the mail a few days ago but didn't open it till tonight. 

Included with the two wristbands I ordered there was a small pamplet that gave a bit of useless information about the wristbands - you could wear your Power Balance wristband in water, all day, and as long as the Power Balance product is within 1-3 inches of your skin it'll work even if it's not contacting you.

Somehow I managed to stretch the magic unicorn braclet onto one of my massive wrist.  It's not uncomfortable.  I tried to pick up my jeep after putting it on to little avail so while it might increase strength and flexibility it doesn't bestow any super powers to the wearer.  I might experiment later by putting the other wristband on my left wrist and maybe with the two combined powers I can bench press a jeep.  Or I might just see if it'll help my stomach become more flexible when I eat a sleeve of Oreos.

You can't see in the picture but there are two holograms on the wristband, one on each side.  The hologram is small and very similar to what you see on some I.D. cards.  Besides the Power Balance logo the holograms also say "Authentic" which strangely enough along with "Genuine" and "Secure" are all words that if I were to see on a drivers license or State identification card I would know immediately that the license/identification card was fake - it's one of the first things you learn in an I.D class.  Probably just a weird coincidence I'm sure...

Hoping to shoot our Power Balance product test this weekend.  If not maybe Monday or Tuesday.

I've been working out here and there and not as much as I intended but I did my 150 finger pushups tonight.  I did 3 sets of 20 followed by 3 sets of 30 and also did 50 cuts with my wooden sword (each side) and 50 squats.  I just might be in decent shape for my 3rd degree test in October.

More Power Balance trash talk and shirtless pictures to come I'm sure.

Power Balance - Holographs with Power!

Money is tight right now but there was one particular item I just had to have - 2 Power Balance wristband..  What is Power Balance?  Well according to their website:

"...Power Balance is Performance Technology designed to work with your body’s natural energy field. Founded by athletes, Power Balance is a favorite among elite athletes for whom balance, strength and flexibility are important.

Power Balance is based on the idea of optimizing the body’s natural energy flow, similar to concepts behind many Eastern philosophies. The hologram in Power Balance is designed to resonate with and respond to the natural energy field of the body..." 

So in a word - Bullshit.  Power Balance supposedly accomplishes this by implanting holograms on wristbands and pendants.  The wristbands come in silicon and neoprene and run about $30 and the pendants go for as much as $79.95.  Beyond the above quote from the website there is nothing on the website explaining the science or theory behind the wristbands.  The demo videos are terribly bad, so bad you think it's a joke.  Follow this link to watch them.  In all three videos the salesman has whichever "elite" athlete pose in a position and the salesman then applies pressure at specific part of their body to off balance the athlete.  The salesman then puts the Power Balance wristband on the athlete and performs the test again to show how much better their balance is while wearing the bracelet.  Wait...actually that last part doesn't happen.  The salesman puts the wristband on the athlete and we never see the results.  The video just cuts to another athlete and the same thing happens - balance test, wristband applied, no follow up test.  It's as if I came up with a wristband and claimed it could make you work on water.  I then demonstrated that I could not walk on water by trying to run across a pool.  After I come out of the pool soaking wet I say "now lets see what happens when I put on my wristband" and then I go home and eat cookies.  Basically same thing.

Remember when you were 6 and certain toys, rocks, common house hold things gave you super powers like the spatuala or whatever that made you invisible?  Or the pillows from your bed that you threw on the floor and then walked on because the floor was lava?  But the floor really wasn't lava and the pillows weren't really nice cool rocks.  I had a prism that did something amazing but I can't remember what exactly it was - you get the idea.  Now imagine an adult who still thinks shit still works like that - you can grab an object come up with a story for it and it imbues you with magical powers  I mean better balance and strength and you have the Power Balance.

God Damnit Boulder!  Haven't you done enough?  Well turns out this didn't come from Boulder it came from that magical place called California.  Laguana Niguel to be exact.  I've been there, my girlfriend has family there.  I guess we should just be glad there is a business trying to make money in California - the government needs the tax revenue.

A sales rep from Power Balance tried to sell my Jujitsu instructors class on these things.  Apparently they aren't helpful when it comes to joint locks because when you touch someone wearing a Power Balance wristband the benefits of the wristband transfer to whoever you're touching.  If this is the case I really should have ordered five and myself and 5 friends could put on our wristbands, link up, and summon Captain Planet to fight environmental injustice.  Am I the only one who absolutely hates Captain Planet?  Who on God's slightly-less-green-because-of-evil-polluting-corporations-earth thought a show revolving around 5 politically correct stereotypical characters who use magic rings to summon a blue guy to fight villains who like to pollute was a good idea?  If only they had Power Balance wristbands we could have defeated global warming and capitalism ten years ago.  And maybe the show wouldn't have sucked so much.  But I digress...I was the kid who hated G.I. Joe too because the bad guys always had time to run away from their vehicles before a missile hit it.  Did anyone ever die in that show?  Now Transformers, there was a show!  And the animated 1984 movie blew was a hell of a lot better than the live action crap that Michael Bay directed.  Don't even get me started there...

Anyhoo, why buy 2 power balance wristbands?  Well we got some product testing to do next Sunday, I'll have the video posted by the following Monday.  I'm designing a number of obstacle course and other test to determine if Power Balance really does improve strength and balance.  Should be a lot of fun.  Product testing usually is fun especially in the bar industry because your product is boozes.  I've learned from my years of experience testing various whiskeys and such product testing requires alcohol to really get good results. I don't see why next Sunday's test should be any different....

I remain

Bitching Band and the Blind Leading the Blind

We had a pretty terrible night at the bar. A band who will remain unnamed came through and we had 15 people paid and the worst bar night in probably 2-3 months.  The music wasn't terrible and the opener, Key Of Joy was great but the headliner thought it would be good to charge $15  and start the show at 8.  We were done at 11 (We make most of our money between 11 - 130) and we had 15ish people paid.  The band was bit older (Mid 40's I'm guessing) and assumed everyone went to bed at the same time they did.  Doesn't work that way though at least in Fort Collins.  It's a late crowd and no one but a few of their friends would drop $15 bucks on them.

I made the mistake of telling a band member she couldn't take a bunch of friends/family backstage at the end of the night.  Didn't make her too happy.  She made sure to come up later and ask me "what's your name?" She meant to say "What the hell is your name prick I need to tell your boss you pissed me off."  I had to bite my tongue while she told me how pissed off she was and how that had never happened in her professional  career, yadda, yadda, yadda...

I was polite and ended up walking away because she wasn't getting any nicer.  If only we'd had the show in the green room, apparently they could pack that.  It'd free up the stage too so I could make real money off a real crowd and pay my very, very real rent.  Bombing the Friday before rent is due is painful.

The rest of the band was very polite and nice though.  They even let my blind friend who is visiting from Japan check out their drum set.  Dai is here from Tokyo with his mother.  A mutual friend put us in touch so I could work on my Japanese and he could practice his English.  I've taken him to a baseball game, hiking, tubing, and even for a bike ride.  It's been cool, tubing down the Poudre was fun but a bit dangerous.  Trying to steer two tubes tied together while trying to remember the japanese phrase for "very big right straight ahead - put your feet up!" was a bit difficult.  But the whole thing was a lot of fun too.  The water is cold and hitting the occasional rock hurts but not enough to make me not want to do it again.  In fact I did it this afternoon.  

The whole thing has been pretty good for me, being able to practice Japanese has been great.  It's been difficult not being able to gesture though.   You tend to take vision for granted and I when I started explaining what Hooters was after we drove by one I forgot that Dai couldn't see it.  So for all he knew I just decided to spend five minutes trying to explain in broken Japanese that there was a famous American restaurant with bad food and girls in tight little outfits.  The baseball game was fun though, I got the tickets from a friend before I found out Dai was blind.  "Ball", "Strike", "out" are pretty easy to translate though, thankfully.

The players were so close I probably could spit on them.  But why spit on the Rockies?  Poor guys will never win a World Series.  It's like heckling the Chicago Cubs.  Haven't they suffered enough?

Couldn't sleep a few days ago so I grabbed my wooden sword and took a bunch of cuts, hit my punching bad, did some push ups and pull ups, and hit my tire with a sledgehammer.  I spent the next two days with incredibly sore forearms and biceps.  Took a bit of work to raise my whiskey coke to my lips the following night but apparently the repeated motion caused my muscles to loosen up a bit.  Today was the first day I didn't have any pain in my arms.  Time to do it all over again.

I think I've figured out why sword work is important to Jujutsu.  I have a theory but I'm going to have to swing a sword daily for the next 5 - 10 years.  Will elaborate and explain after I've confirmed my theories. Give me a decade. Give or take 10 years.  Probably give.  

Becca officially moved in as of July 27th.  Strangely enough all her clothes wouldn't fit in my closet.  It is nice that now I don't have to send her a text telling her to make me a sandwich.  I can just yell it at her.  Of course now she's close enough to throw things at me when I tell her to make me sandwich.  Big heavy things that aren't sandwiches.....On the plus side her bed has a much firmer mattress.  My back feels great, or would had I not, only a hundred feet from our exit point on the Poudre, hit a large rock with my hip. 

Back!

So I haven't been blogging as of late, partially because I've been busy and partially because when I wasn't busy I didn't feel like doing anything.  But it's back to the grindstone today.  Few product reviews coming in the next day, got a video in the works, and I'll be updating my progress on a number of fronts in the next few weeks.  Off to work but I'll be back tonight.

She was he?

New Riders of the Purple Sage played Hodi's last night.  Was a pretty decent night but there was one incident that left me feeling bit bad.  Early in the night I see this old rather large lady with a purse walking backstage.  I think to myself "damn old people, always think they can go wherever they please" and ran after her.  I say "ma'am, excuse me ma'am...Hey MA'AM."  She finally turned around and she was not she, she was a he! He who was in the New Riders and played keyboard.  I immediatiely apologized and retreated to my office. 

I felt really bad but thinking back to it, the whole thing wasn't really my fault.  The band didn't want backstage wristbands so I had no idea he/she was a band member and on top of that from a distance on a dark dance floor, an old man with longer than average hair, saggy breast, and a man purse really looks like a woman.

So I was embarassed but the band played a good show and the tour manager was all smiles and hugs at the end of the night.  All well that ends well I guess.  But guys, do a few push ups now and then so some kid doesn't mistake you for having boobs when your 67.  And don't walk around with a purse....

What to do...What to do...I got it! Protest the oil spill! Also featuring hottest workout girl ever

One of my favorite authors, P.J O'Rourke described a conversation with a friend a long time ago in which the friend notes that when the left gets up in arms they go protest and when the right has a beef they don't really do much.  Why is that so?  "We all have jobs," replied O'Rourke.  Recent Tea Party activity has made that statement to some extend less true but given all the old retired people I've seen at the local rallies it's not entirely false.

Regardless, I thought of that exchange between O'Rourke and his liberal friend yesterday while driving down College Ave after I spotted a decent sized protest at a street corner in a sporting goods store parking lot.  They were protesting BP.  The whole affair was pretty damn silly.  For starters, it didn't accomplish a damn thing other than give the protesters a very lame reason to feel good about themselves - they were doing something!  Which was on a very technical level, very true.  They were also breathing, sweating (it was very hot out), and standing.  Surprisingly, none of these actions did anything to clean up the gulf coast or stop the oil leak. 

Besides the big anti-oil company sign that was tied to a large, old, gas guzzling truck the other thing I found odd was the sign that said "Honk if you want a clean ocean!"  The sign wasn't really strange, what was strange was who actually honked.  Immediately after seeing that sign I heard the car next to me honk.  I looked, and I kid you not - it was a Ford Expedition.  It was as if this driver meant to say "hey quit spilling that oil in the ocean - put it in my tank.  I'm just burning through this shit!"

I also loved the stereotypical college kid in a tie dye shirt at the end of the protest line.  It brought to memory another great quote from P.J O'Rourke:

"Earnestness is stupidity sent to college."

Not that all protest and protesters are stupid.   The Civil Rights protest in the 60's actually got something done. 

Charlton Heston - A crazy gun toting conservative who didn't hate minorities?

The difference between the Civil Rights movement and the hippies protesting BP in Fort Collins is that the Civil Rights movement went to places where what they were protesting was happening.  White only restaurants, stores, Washington D.C, and let the people there know they weren't going to take it.  They actually got something accomplished too.  Protesting in Fort Collins isn't quiet the same thing and as I stated earlier is really just a way to feel for the protesters to feel better about themselves.  It's a form of masturbation.   A much more useful thing to do would be to actually hop on a bus and go to the affected areas and volunteer to help clean up the mess.  Maybe clean up some pelicans or other wildlife.  Or send money to clean up operations or groups that help people in the region negatively affected by the spill.  

Now I haven't done any of these things, but I'm not standing around with a stupid sign either so I can feel good about myself.  And really thats my only beef with this whole protest thing.  If you really have a cause you want to contribute to or stand up for, find some useful way to help.  If it's politics, become as informed as you can, write your representative, vote, or run for office.  If it's oil spills, help clean it up or go without smoking a bowl for a day and donate a few dollars.  Whatever you do, don't stand around like an idiot on the corner of Mulberry and College on a hot day so you can pat yourself on the back and say you made a difference because you didn't.  

On a lighter note, today's video of the week: The hottest workout girl ever

Just a little off the top

I hate having too much hair.  This won't ever be a problem when bad genetics along with stress from the bar cause me to go bald in 5 (hopefully I have that long) years.  But while I still do have hair it drives me crazy when it's too long.  So was the case  Wednesday I was driving home feeling my hair and yearning for a haircut.  I didn't want to spend any money on a barber so when I got home I grabbed my roommates haircut kit and started buzzing hair off.  It looked a bit uneven so I went a bit shorter and this is what resulted:

So it's a bit short.  But it feels great to touch.  I've been rubbing my head for the last two days like a teenager who stumbled upon his dad's dirty magazine collection.  And I'm so much cooler too, I was walking round the bar today and those ceiling fans kept my scalp at a cool comfortable temperature!  I understand it's not the best look in the world for me but it keeps me cool, it's easy to maintain and no one can tell that when I'm late for a meeting its cause I just woke up.

Course I'm picking up the woman from the airport today, she'll look suprised - the kind of suprised look that says, "I can't believe you did that it looks terrible but I kinda love you so I'll tolerate it and hope it grows back quick."  She's been with me too long to leave me because I became goofy looking.  That's how I got away with growing a goatee.  That's also how she's going to get away with getting fat in a few years.  She'll give me that lame "I'm gaining weight cause I'm pregnant" line but by that point we'll have been together long enough I'm beyond caring and I'll start stashing dirty magazines in my closet, which my kid will find years later.  It's a the natural way of life, all things come full circle.

Strangest thing of the week I've seen so far

It's like some big liberal metaphor - a big, slow inefficient piece of equipemnt that requires way too many people to function, but that you can feel good about because you're working together with a bunch of people who aren't in a hurry to get shit done.  And it's green!

And finally I saw this video on TV and had to share

Ah kittens...

I remain

Yep it's really true...that's Boulder for you

I should subscribe to the Boulder Daily Camera.  So many incredibly stupid mishaps happen in this town.  It's like reading the Onion if it were 100% true, not exaggerated in anyway yet still strange as all hell.  This is a town where bomb scares are caused by misplaced hippie crystals.  Yes, Boulder really is home to some of the most stupid yet somehow functional people in the known free world.

I say functional because these people can apparently build working booby traps.  In fact these people are so adept at building booby traps that booby traps had to be banned within the city limits of Boulder.

Ban booby traps?  How did this even become an issue, it doesn't even make sense?

It doesn't make sense of course because it's Boulder -  well until you read this article from the Boulder Daily Camera and suddenly it makes total sense, for Boulder at least.  You see, Boulder's ban on booby traps started as part of a new set of regulations for medical marijuana dispensaries.  

And suddenly everything comes together...booby traps to protect pot!  The only part that's still confusing is how a bunch of stoned hippies could sit still long enough to make a functional booby trap without collapsing into a helpless fit of drug induced laughter half way through the process at the the thought of building something that had the word "booby" as part of it's name, only to finally quit laughing and get up the floor after the urge to eat the last remaining crumbs and fragments of Doritos left in the bag could no longer be ignored.  That last sentence was way too long, but it's entirely true. 

After doing a bit more research there is no evidence that anyone has built any booby traps at dispensaries or homes in Boulder.  In fact even the police chief in Boulder has never heard of a booby traps being used in Boulder.  The whole thing only came up because someone got the wild and crazy idea that dispensary owners would rather fashion some strange Home Alone inspired traps than pay for a decent security system seeing as they're having such a hard time making any money selling pot to a town full of rich trust fund kids pretending to be hippies.  Much better and cheaper to rig a blowtorch to burn some greedy bastards hair off after he kicks open the back door than invest in heavy doors, strong locks, and a home security system.  As a business owner myself I can tell you there really aren't any liability issues if someone has their face burnt off while trying to break into your establishment. 

These people must be high... 

Free 20ft tall tree - bring shovel and crook gets shot in the genitals

Craigslist is great for many things - puppies, prostitu..I mean finding a job, cars, etc but my favorite craigslist section is the free stuff section.  I once got a free armoire that after a few months was able to sell for $250.  I also got a great couch in the same run.  One of the stranger free ads I've seen was this:

"Have several quaking aspen trees that need a good home. Range from 5 to 20 feet tall. Supposed to be easily transplantable. Bring a shovel. Call Steve @ 970-978-****"

Maybe the 5ft tree can easily be dug up with the shovel, but a 20ft tall tree?  Might be bit harder I would think.

Speaking of trees, I just cleaned up the front yard and stacked up all the tree branches in a neat pile.  And then it snowed and because it's freakin' May all the trees have leaves and thus I had some nice big branches fall on my nice neat yard.  It was kind of cool  sticking my head out the door at 2am and hearing all the cracking of branches around the neighborhood.  What the hell is up with snow mid may?  Maybe God is reminding me I need to get in ass and gear and make my fortune and move away to my tropic beach.


Met local rock band to finish putting together details for bbq & bikini rock show with 4 bands.  Apparently I'm going to have to be one of the judges for the bikini contest. Work, work, work...I don't know how I get up in the morning/early afternoon.


Video of the week:  Clerk shoots a thief's Junk.  YouTube removed the audio but it's subtitled.  Notice that not only is the clerk brave enough to pull out a gun and shoot this guy, but she's a got a bad ass line after she shoots him!  She's like the James Bond of gas station clerks.

I remain

Sombrero Sunday

Show got canceled tonight on account that no one remembered it was Mother's day when we booked it and all these metal kids wanted to spend a quiet night with mom instead of rocking out.  I suppose it's for the better.  I'd get my mom in dinner but she's in Germany so an email will have to suffice.  I was thinking of sending her a card saying "Hey you're a Grandma - again!" and photoshopping a picture to make my girlfriend look pregnant.  I'm a  fan of the pregnancy humor but I think I'm alone on that one so I skipped the card.  So no show, Mom is a few thousand miles away, guess it's time for the first ever Sombrero Sunday.

to mom!