A Colon Cleansing Mishap at Hodi's?

If you google Hodi's Half Note and then hit the map tab and check under reviews you'll find this:

"Very Rude!‎‎

 By paul - Feb 22, 2010

I had been colon cleansing for a few weeks and had a little accident in the bar, you know, like, I thought I had to fart but it was just watery poop water that came out... and once it starts there's no stopping it from coming out at that point, ya know? Well, being stuck in this predicament I would have expected a slightly more professional attitude from the staff toward the situation... but when I brought it to their attention, all those jerks did was point, and laugh, and point it out to the other customers. VERY unprofessional! Will never hang out there AGAIN!!!‎

maps.google.com "

Tim found this and showed it to me on Friday.  My first thought was as weird as it sounds, it wouldn't be the strangest thing to happen at Hodi's.  And the whole part about the staff laughing and pointing sounds right - we're all well intentioned people but we are kind of dicks.  And a grown man defecating in public may be pretty sad, but it's also hilarious.  In a sad way.

Turns out it was all a hoax though.  The same complaint was made about a few local bars and Best Buy of all places.

The whole thing got me thinking though what garbage the whole cleansing thing is.  Here's a passage from Aviva.com:

"In our modern 21st century lifestyle we have the misfortune to be exposed to many toxins on a daily basis through our environment, from overexposure to toxic chemicals at home and at work, and even contained in foods, consumer electronics, cosmetics, many synthetic fabrics, new carpeting, and your new car. Environmental toxins seem to be a prevalent by-product of the frantic lifestyles our technology and economy have forced us to live."

This is cute and all but a certain Latin phrase comes to mind - petitio principii.  I found a good definition for it at Dictionary.com

Petito Principii: "a fallacy in reasoning resulting from the assumption of that which in the beginning was set forth to beproved; begging the question."

Firstly, what toxins are we overexposed to and how do they effect our health?  How much do we need to be exposed to before they start to effect our health?  In one of my favorite books, Bjorn Lomborg's The Skeptical Environmentalist: Measuring the Real State of the World,  Lomborg has a chart of actions which increase your chance of death by .000001 (one-millionth) such as living 150 years within twenty miles of a nuclear power plant or spending 3 hours in a coal mine.  So maybe my nice, comfortable t-shirt made from synthetic material is drenching my beautiful pecs in toxins,while my feet absorb toxins from the carpet, I'm building up mercury in my system from all the McDonalds Filet-o-fish, and my shiny new Ipad sitting in my lap is lowering my sperm count and giving me cancer and all these things (cancer, toxins, etc) are making me feel unhealthy and lethargic and I just need to take some detox pills and have water pumped into my rectum to feel better.  Or maybe these things are just increasing my chance of death by .000001. Maybe even .0001.  I don't know the answer but no one selling a detox kit do either.


I'm not saying that we aren't exposed to harmful things from our environment - there is mercury in fish and coal miners don't have the cleanest lungs.  But if you're trying to sell me this expensive detox kit or treatment you have to be able to tell me what it's clearing out and how it's doing it. Are there any kits out there that can purge mercury from your system after eating too much fish?  And speaking of fish they can be pretty good for you. Maybe for a healthy adult the benefit of eating fish a few times a week outweighs the adverse health effects of the tiny amount of mercury you'll absorb from the fish.

And maybe being exposed to "toxins" from cheap clothes made from synthetic material is better then freezing to death. 

Colon cleansing is pretty goofy too.  The colon is pretty good at getting shit done, pardon the pun.  From Webmd.com:

"Is natural colon cleansing needed? Are bowel movements enough to clear the colon? Or is it true that the only thing that can really clear the colon is a colon cleanser? It is likely the colon doesn't need this kind of help. Here are some reasons why:

• Natural bacteria in the colon detoxify food wastes.
• The liver also neutralizes toxins.
• Mucus membranes in the colon keep unwanted substances from reentering the blood and tissues.
• The colon sheds old cells about every three days, preventing a buildup of harmful material.
• The normal number of bowel movements varies from person to person. It may be as often as a few times a day or as little as a few times a week.
• Increasing the number of bowel movements doesn't improve weight loss. That's because the body absorbs most calories before they reach the large intestine."

Further more according to Ursula Arens, a registered dietician and spokesperson for the British Dietetic Association, quoted here:

"The body actually has a massive overcapacity to dispose of toxins. 'As for the need to cleanse the colon, it is constantly cleansing itself by renewing the mucus layer that protects the colon wall from being exposed to toxins. So, flushing pints of water through it with things like colonic irrigation is one of the more damaging things you can do to it."

(Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1267910/The-great-detox-myth-Millions-women-swear-detoxing--just-expensive-waste-time.html#ixzz0mwXOw4mb)

When people lose weight from cleanses it usually has something to do with the fact during this cleanse they're cutting out unhealthy foods, restricting caloric intake and taking in more fiber.  Weird how that might cause you to lose weight!  Even stranger, somethings I don't eat till 5 in the afternoon, have a bedtime that ranges from 1am - 5am, work 50-60 hours a week, don't workout near enough and for some reason I don't always feel so hot.  Maybe I should detox.  Or maybe I need to keep a consistent sleep schedule, eat healthy meals at set times every day, and workout half hour to hour a day.  

Of course it's a lot easier to pay $50-60 for some hippie pseudo science created detox plan than to make meaningful healthy changes to my lifestyle.  And that's the kicker.  Despite there being no real science to back this stuff up, people go for it because it's a quick easy fix.  

Yep unfortunately the only way to be healthy is to live healthy.  I'm not too good at that myself but I'm not sticking a hose up my butt to try to make up for a lack of sleep and high fiber breakfast cereal. 

And finally I have to mention that  my girlfriend was able to get a Best Buy credit card and helped me replace my laptop that just died with an Ipad.  

It's pretty niffty, I can do inventory at work without having to print out ten pages of excel spread sheets, email bands and set up shows, even stream netflix at the airport.  The apple book store has a bunch of free books too.  Totally worth the cancer - even ball cancer.  

(For those of you who have cleansed and had some weird stuff come out of you go to http://rawveg.info/coloncleanse.html to learn about why that happens.  Also if you find some evidence to support detox and cleansing hit me up - I'm all about the magic pill.  That's why I played the lottery so much in the past!)