Still Decent But...

Good Show tonight, had few local hip hop acts.  The headliners ended up canceling though, they had a head on collision on the way to the show.  Thankfully they were ok.  Still a decent show, decent turnout but never fun having a band unable to make it.

The weather wasn't terrible but visibility was very bad and it snowed most of the day.  I picked Becca up from the airport and while the roads weren't slippery it still wasn't pleasant driving to and from the airport.

Nothing quite says spring like a snow storm.  That's Colorado for you though, It always snows spring break week or around it.  I remember freshmen year coming back from spring break and having 3 days of school canceled because Fort Collins got hit with the worst snow storm in 75 years.  It was pretty cool we built a 13 foot all snow structure that I thought resembled some kind of rocket ship.  Some perverted RA thought it looked like something else and had us knock it down.  Some people...

Working at a bar is relatively easy and many times a hell of a lot of fun.  However the hours and stress can be very tough on both mind and body.  Staying healthy, getting good sleep, and managing stress are very difficult.  The lack of good sleep really makes the other two things much harder.  I find that my temper is shorter, I'm bit more emotional (although I think I do a good job of not showing it), more irritable, and very clumsy (which can be a sign of sleep deprivation).  I'm hoping if I can avoid eating and exercise before bed and do some light reading I'll sleep better.  I noticed when I quit drinking alcohol energy drinks, and soda for that week I slept a lot better too for a bit. 

Given my rather lofty goals I need to be functioning at peak efficiency.  I'll have to improve my sleep habits if I'm going to get anywhere.

Tomorrow is another day and sometimes thats a bit depressing. 

Sure I'll feel better after some sleep.

You can tell you're in Boulder when...

Oh dear God, The Power of Crystals Compels Us.  A story today from dailycamera.com reports that police were called to an apartment complex after a resident had a suspicious package delivered to him.  The resident not knowing what the hell it was threw it in the dumpster and called the cops.  After "disarming" the box with a water disruption charge the police discovered crystals with electronics embedded in them. The energy crystals as they're called are meant to energize the user, in this case the guy who lived one apartment over.

This just goes to show you what fake hippie posers live in Boulder.  Embedding man made electronics in crystals? Come on, anyone who knows anything about crystals know that the power of a naturally occurring crytal is infinitely more powerful than anything man made.  That's like putting a firecracker on a atomic bomb.  Did you hear a pop when it went off?  I think not.

The police spokesperson called the package "harmless".  No shit, a bunch of soiled crystals aren't only harmless, they're worthless.  I bet that misguided hippie who ordered them goes to CU, probably even graduated from one of their science programs and is going to grad school to get his masters in bullshit.

This ladies and Gentlemen, is why I live in Fort Collins.

I remain

Day after St. Patties I should be hung over right?

Had a good St. Patties day.  Buddy was able to score some free tickets to the Av's game in Denver.  Tickets got us parking and and food too, I got some nice friends.

The tickets were free, and I was able to grab a beer and hot dog for free too.  But I still broke a few of my rules.I bought some drinks, some whiskey and cokes so had soda.  I did not break my rule of diet soda and liquor though.  Pretty lame though, I came up with all this stuff I was going to do and then didn't follow through, got to start over.  Today and from now on I guess.

Too much to do, not enough time to do it...But I feel optimistic today. And for all the rules I broke last night, it was a damn good time. 

Today is another chance to get it right.

Just a Test

Just a test, playing with one of my side projects. Maybe I'll be able to do something with it.

The Amorous Adventures of Ashida Kim and my Super Sexy Adventure

I don't always know what to blog about.  It can't always be about how I'm going to save a little cash or mopping floors which makes it challenging to blog everyday.  Every once and awhile though something falls in your lap and you have to share it with the world.  A special thanks to Keith, how you found this I don't know but I could write about it for weeks.  Ladies and gentlemen I present to you

The Amorous Adventures of Ashida Kim

From to DojoPress.com: 

"The Amorous Adventures of Ashida Kim is the chronicle of his fifth trip to Africa in the service of Yudansha International as an intelligence operative. His "cover story" at that time was being a "bouncer in a brothel." These are the tales of the ladies he met and helped during that turbulent period, that provide a glimpse into how the "real" world works, behind the scenes, inside the secret meetings, and how real warriors behave, regardless of the venue of their employment. As a first person narrative, it also provides a certain degree of insight into the mind of martial arts master and soldier of fortune- Ashida Kim. Rumor had it at one time that this property would be the screenplay for a soon to be released motion picture. Those plans did not materialize because of political considerations. The script, however, is still available."

Yep, apparently this is a true story.  According to Phil Elmore who actually read the book and reviewed it here, the story involves Ashida Kim being sent by ninja masters to South Africa to work as a bouncer at a brothel and if he can save the day he'll be allow to go take care of some other Ninja who went to Africa and opened a whore house instead of a karate dojo.  The usual ninja thing, you know pupil breaks from clan and opens whore house so the ninja clan sends the closest thing to Patrick Swayze they have to a different whore house to kick some ass and make some sweet love to some misguided prostitutes with daddy issues.  It's such a shame that "political considerations" kept this from becoming a movie.  Who wouldn't want to watch suave Ashida and some lovely hooker "...wrapped in the throws of passion, driving, thrusting deeper and harder than before, reaping the complete joy of our union..."

Dear God what is wrong with this man?  This is beyond bad.  Not the enjoyable Showdown in Little Tokyo bad, I'm talking really, really, really bad.  Not even Dolph Lundgren could save this book.

There is hope though.  Despite stating that "I am forbidden by law and convention from engaging in personal combat, since my hands and feet are considered lethal weapons," Ashida Kim is more then willing to accept a challenge and "...embarrass you in front of all your friends."  You just need to front $10,000.  And play by his rules.  Oh and you can't win $10,000 from him although he'll let you have a cut of the door since you'll be fighting at some kind of event center and it'll cost money to watch the fight.  Maybe I should start trying to raise money to fight Ashida Kim.  I can write a book to raise money.  The cover will probably look something like this: 

It'll be Super Sexy

For the complete review of this book go here

If for whatever terrible reason you want to buy it go here

For some other opinions on Ashida Kim go here or for a less serious take go here.  The last link has a fun video of Ashida trying to levitate.  Seriously he lifts his legs up and has a guy with a hula hoop try to show that he indeed is floating. 

I'll start training tomorrow for my fight with Ashida Kim.  Or sleep in, who knows...

I remain,

Damon

Lonely Night

Dropped the woman off at the airport yesterday, wish she were still here.  Would rather fall asleep next to her then 4 dogs, one of whom (Tasha!) has terrible gas.  I swear she's got a stash of dead squirrels she nibbles on in the back yard and then comes and farts it all over me.

On a much more pleasant note, I deposited all my jar money in my bank account and transferred it to my PayPal money market account.  The interest rate right now is 5%.  Between the $420 from my 6 bags and $216 from my jar I deposited $636 in my PayPal account.

Still along ways to go.  I decided that I won't eat out or order food anymore except on Monday when Becca(The Woman) and I go out for .89 cent margaritas and chips and dip at Casa's.  Plenty of times at work I'll order a pizza or whatever instead of bringing in lunch or eating before I go to work.  I bet I can save on average $20 a week, so $80 a month, or $960 a year.  Tomorrow I'm going to cancel my Block Buster plan too.  It's $20 a month and I can sign up for Netflix, get 10 free days and pay $8.99 a month and watch an unlimited amount movies online and have one movie out a time which works because I'm usually too busy to watch more than a movie or two a week.  I'll save $10 a month so $120 a year.

So between the Netflix deal, and if I can stick to no eating out and no lotto tickets I should save around $1500 a year.  It's a start...

The dream jar (well dream paypal account) has $216 in it.  Only $9,999,784.00 left.

Dreams of fake I.D's and do little weiner dogs taste like hot dogs?

I slept in till 2 today, how terrible is that?  I think I'm getting sick though, so all that sleep was probably good for me.  Emo Steve show tonight, should be quick easy night.  I love Emo Steve, someday he'll be 21 and we can quit serving him shots of cranberry juice.  Mmmm...cranberry

I had a dream about pulling a fake I.D. this morning.  I put a uv light to it and also googled it to double check if it was real.  It wasn't.  How sad am I?

My girlfriend and her roommate left me their dogs for spring break.  I've got 4 of them running around the house.

Money saving tip #2, eat the dog that barks the most...jk I love Copper

I'll bet he taste like a little hot dog.

Diet Coke and Whiskey?

It's definitely spring break in Fort Collins.  The town was slow and Hodi's was no exception.  I sat behind the bar bored and trying to stay awake for most of the night.  For some reason there did seem to be a fair amount of larger girls walking around Old Town, as if half the people who decided to go out tonight were girls who didn't want to go anywhere for spring break where they'd risk being seen in swimsuits.

Maybe that was a bit mean.  I'm sure they all have wonderful personalities.

Some asshole tipped $4 on a $42 tab.  Most of those drinks were $3 well singles too, so I served him a fair amount of drinks, a lot of whiskey and diet cokes.  What self respecting man mixes diet soda with boozes?  Is he watching his figure?  It's almost as bad as guys who order cosmos or wear scarves (Disclaimer:  After much debate the Hodi's staff has decided that it's ok for guys to wear scarves so long as the temperature is under 0 degrees Fahrenheit).  Hope that douche bag had to walk home with a cold neck and wakes up tomorrow feeling fat.

So I mentioned in last post that I'd blog about what I was doing to save money.  After not winning the power ball I've decided that first thing I can do to start saving money is to quit buying $10 of lotto tickets a week.  It'd be nice to win but it's probably not gonna happen and I'd like to earn my fortune anyway.  At $10 a week thats $40 a month in saving and $480 a year.

More saving and plotting to come but it's late so I'll go with decision number one, no more lotto tickets.


The dream jar has $131.47  I've decided I should retire at 30 with $10,000,000.  Only $9,999,868.53 left to go.

Game on.

The Plan

I've have a fairly productive first 2 months of 2010.  I saved the bar (for now), changed the way things were run to help us get back on our feet, started studying Japanese again, and I'm working out too.

While this a nice start, it doesn't really help me make the millions I'm going to need to accomplish my goal of retiring in 4 years to a custom built house on a beach in warm climate.  So what the hell do I need to do to get where I want to be?

Most things in life at their core are very simple.  A computer program is a great example, as complicated as it looks when you break it down, it's all 1's and 0's.  On and off, do or don't.  The process of understanding a situation or problem is hard sometimes.  But the actual essences of most things are very simple.

My situation is no different.  I got things I want to do but I don't have the money or resources.  So how do I get what I want.  I don't make enough at the bar to do the things I want to do so I need another source of income.  I've got a number of small side projects I work on from time to time but to really make them happen I'll need some more time and money. 

So first thing first, I need to save as much money as I possibly can.  I've started to with a jar that I throw ten bucks in after every bar shift.  The money was going to be for a trip to Japan but I think it'll be a dream jar.  I should be able to save $150 a month on average in the jar.  That's $1800 a year, which after every month will be put in my bank account and then transferred to my paypal money market account.  It's a nice start and it'll help fund some side projects that should pay off but it's not quite enough.  I'm going to have to start saving a hell of a lot more.  I'll detail how I'm going to do that starting Monday in my next blog post.

Time is something else I'm bit short on.  I need to be very efficient with everything I do so that I have more time to put toward my side projects.  That means getting the bar running better so I don't have to be there quite as much.  It also means living my a very strict routine.  More and more I'll post to update on how that's going.

As for making more money, I'll detail how I'm going to do that just as soon as I've been able to get a routine down and save bit more.  Need to clean house and get everything in order before I move forward.

Lots to do.  Wish I had more details but will provide shortly.  Not the greatest week at the bar and it'll be tough the next few weeks till April.  I think we'll do alright but we have to learn to promote better.  I've always believed that no week or month or time of year has to be bad.  We just have to be better about reaching out to people and let them know what we got going on.  Tough business, but I'm a bit masochistic so I guess it works.

Wax On, Wax Off

Back when I use to mop the floors at my bar all the time we had one mop that was just a tad bit heavier than the rest.  It was a different kind of wood or something like that.  I'd use it sometime and think to myself, "I should make a weighted metal mop and use that every night, I'd get in great shape."

Turns out one of my friends is a welder so I talked to him Sunday and last night he delivered the greatest mop in the world.  It is the Thor's hammer of mops.  Ladies and Gentlemen I present to you

THE IMPOSSIBLE MOP

Please forgive the poor picture quality.  I was using the same camera phone I use when I hunt for big foot.  But back to the mop!  Original it was suppose to be around 25 pounds but the guy cutting the metal made it a foot too big it's a 36 pound steel mop.  The mop attachment screws off so I can replace it with a lighter or heavier pole.  

Heavy or not, apparently I'm in terrible shape, this thing is a bitch to use and I could barely finish the dance floor today.  Should be a bit easier in a few months...I hope.  

I'll have some video to post on Youtube demonstrating the correct way to use the Impossible Mop.  Someday it'll be an infomercial.  It can't be any worse of an idea than this.  I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who work at or own bars and after a long day of work putting up with drunk patrons would love to take twice as long cleaning their floors.  

Or not.  But who knows, I remember hearing about this person who sold used plus sized lingerie to transvestites on Ebay.  There really is a market for everything, it's just about reaching your customers.  With all that said I don't think I'll be selling weighted mops any time soon.

Fear me for between my finger pushups and mopping I will soon be able to crush your heads like grapes.

Eat it Ralph Macciho. 

I've been in a bad mood today.  The kind of mood where I want to wring someone's neck  till they pass out and then start looking around to see if they have any friends around.  Just had a few things set me off today I guess. 

Things are getting better though, I did 30 finger push ups straight, which isn't much but I think I could do forty if I hadn't spread my hands much further apart then usual.  Still a far cry from the 100 I want to be able to do by April 1st.  I should get some help today in getting in shape from my buddy who has been preparing a special unique fitness tool for me.  I should have video in the next day of two of this magical device that will set the fitness world abuzz.  We're talking bigger then Bo Flex.  Well maybe not that big, but at least bigger than this:

I don't think however, that anything can compete with this:



Wow I feel better already.  I been having a hard time coming up with a birthday present for the lady too.  What a great birthday birthday moment, "Happy Birthday baby, I got you a piece of exercise equipment to make your boobs even perkier!"  When her parents call she can tell them all about it too.  I think the secret of gift giving is to get something that you can enjoy too.  That's why I make her chocolate cake every year

Check out the new bookmark buttons at the bottom of each post and let me know what you think of the new blog look.

Site update

Finally got blog spruced up.  Should have new piece of equipment to unveil tomorrow too

Space Falls in a Hole in Time...

 

The 2nd stall in the Hodi's girl's bathroom.  Someone's mom must be proud.

Got me a juicer!  Who would have thought throwing carrots, celery, an apple, 2 clementines, and some grapes would actually taste good. 

Make sure to check out the poll to the right of the post and vote on the new name for my blog.  Also brush and floss daily.  That is all.

New Blog name

Mentioned earlier I wanted to rename the blog.  The poll to the right has a few choices.  Feel free to add some other options in the comments. 

Reikoku is Japanese for  relentless.  It also means oppressively cruel.  I kind of like it.  I'd go with the same name in english but it's taken already.

Mr. Money Bags

Regardless of the all the blog post about crystals, easy mac, and Dolph Lundgren I'm still working on making my fortune.  Before I can make my millions though I need to pay off some debts and save up some money for other projects I'm trying to put together.  Thus the money jar and money bags.

 

After every shift I have bartending I put $10 in each of 6 bags and the money jar.  I also put all my change in the jar and all my can money will go in the jar.  The bags are for money I owe, with each bag representing different debts, the jar is toward new projects.  I bartend 4-5 times a week so I'm only putting in $40-50 a week per bag, so it'll take some time but I should be saving an average of $200 a week toward paying off debts and saving for the future.  At the end of each month I'll empty the bags and put them toward  different debts.  Jar money will go into my savings account and from my saving account I'll transfer it to my paypal money market account that makes a much better interest rate.


I suppose I could put a deposit in the bank every week but it's bit easier for me to not spend all that money if I don't throw it in the bank right away.  It's bit too easy to spend when it's in the bank using my debit card on an impulse buy and having a system helps me keep disciplined.  Just got to stick with it now.

On a different note, you know its warm in my neighborhood when the Mexican lady starts pushing her big pot around in a shopping cart selling enchiladas.  She does this terrible wailing thing the whole time she's walking down the street.  The first time I heard it I thought someone was flogging a down syndrome child in the middle of the street.  I can appreciate someone trying to make some extra cash but she needs to work on her sales pitch.  Not sure how safe those enchiladas would be to eat too.

Finally, thinking about changing my site name as the original name The Impossible Mr.D only came about because everything else was taken.  To the right of this post is a poll, vote and let me know what you think.  Feel free to comment on this story with better names too if you don't see one you like.

The Greatest Movie Ever: Showdown in Little Tokyo

Was at Walmart a week ago and picked up one of those 4 in one movie packs, where they package bad movies from the 80's that no one would buy unless they were getting a 4 for 1 deal.  Few nights ago after a shift and a few beers I popped in the first movie of the set and turns out it, it's the best movie ever made.  The name of the movie was Showdown in Little Tokyo.

 

This is the greatest movie ever made.  Usually a movie is made great by terrific performances, superior directing and editing, and an epic plot but Showdown in Little Tokyo goes a different route - its so bad it's awesome.  Sure Dolph Lundgren sounds silly when he speaks Japanese,  Brandon Lee could act like my old deaf roommate can sing, and the fight scenes look like the we choreographed by some mullet clad martial artist who films self defense tapes in his mom's basement - but who cares, it's freakin' great.  Dolph Lundgren jumps over a car and later turns one on it's side to use as a shield.  Tia Carrere gets naked and they use an even hotter body double for all the shots.  Splinter's side kick from the first ninja turtle move is in it, need  I say more. 

It's also got some of the best lines in a movie ever.  Just a few examples.  Don't worry about the set up to these lines, their irrelevant.

Dolph Lundgren: "Roughly translated, out of the frying pan and boned up the ass with a red-hot poker."

Brandon Lee: "Kenner, just incase we get killed, I wanted to tell you that you have the biggest dick I've ever seen on a man."

Brandon Lee: "We're going to nail this guy. And when we get done, we're going to go eat fish off those naked chicks! "

There are so many more, it's awesome.  How I never saw this movie till now I don't know.  Go out and buy it and love it.  Best worst movie ever. 

The Joy of the DMV

It's great going to the DMV. As a business owner usually I'm running around all day or at the office doing paperwork, you know all the exciting crazy things that are involved in keeping a business afloat. A trip to the DMV is a great opportunity just to sit down and relax for a half hour and not think about all the things that need to be done at the bar, that my dogs need to be exercised, or that I need to do laundry and clean my house. I also don't have to spend time with my girlfriend. I've been working a lot lately and haven't seen much of her and she'd probably be talking my ear off, "how was your day...I love you... Blah blah blah." All that shit. It's so much nicer hanging with total strangers who I'd just love to talk if I weren't so enthralled with listening to Los Lonely Boys on the radio they have here. Thankfully the radio is at very quiet reasonable volume level.

Well I'll almost be up in 15 minutes so I must depart I have to think about pleasant conversation starters to have with the DMV employee. If we don't have something to talk about we'll get done to quick and I'll have to leave this magical place!

Dear God someone save me this blows!

What a week

It's been a bit of hectic week.  Went to Boulder to attend a get together hosted by one or liquor reps and met Tom Bulleit of Bulleit Bourbon.  He gave a talk on the history of Bulleit and we tasted a bunch of different whiskeys and he told us about how they were all distilled and why they tasted the way they did.  I know work, work, work that's all I do.  We got hats and leather Bulleit notebooks too. 

Swag and whiskey, couldn't ask for a better time.  Tom Bulleit signed our notebooks and it was nice to be introduced to him as the #4 bulleit account in the state and #1 in Fort Collins.  We love our Bulleit around Hodi's, I even named my red heeler after it.

 

My heeler Bulleit is destined to be a deer for Halloween every year.  

Business is good but tonight wasn't so hot.  The GZA from Wung Tang missed his flight and couldn't make the show so instead of a sold out show I had a free Hip Hop show.  The local openers did a great job bringing a bit of a crowd but we didn't do nearly as well as we could have.  Oh well, this weekend will still be great.

It's been over a week since I've had a soda and I quit drinking at work but I've had a beer here and there.  I wanted to take a break from drinking but I think a beer here and there won't kill me and not drinking at work seems like a good middle ground.  Proud of the no soda or red bull and I seem to be sleeping since I've quit.

Slacked a bit on my push ups but I've got 90 more tonight and I'm back on track.

Big update I'll try to be better about blogging at once a day.  

Tom Bulleit's first joke he told "In Kentucky they say it is not impolite to ask if you are related.  It is impolite however, to ask how."

My friend lost a good friend this week.  I can't claim to know him nearly as well as a lot of people but I was always happy to see him and he was a great guy.  He'll be missed.

How to tell the future with Easy Mac

Since man could stand upright, he has tried to divine his future.  From the ancient Chinese fortune tellers who used turtle shells and dinosaur bones,  witches reading tea leafs and runes, fortune tellers have used a variety of methods to see the future.  These methods have proven so effective that we've used the wisdom of fortune tellers to prevent the Titanic from sinking, Pearl Harbor, the Bay of Pigs, and 9/11.  Psychic knowledge also allowed a quick evacuation of New Orleans before Katrina, Florida before Hurricane Andrew,  and most recently Haiti before their massive earthquake.  Oh wait...

So these methods suck.  There has to be a better way and after much reseach, I've uncovered it.  The secret to telling the future my friends, is Easy Mac.

Unknown to the hard working people at Kraft, you can use their cheap, easy meal not only to satisfy your cravings for mac and cheese but to predict who's going to win the ball game after dinner.  Below is how-to-guide on diving the future with The Mac.

Step 1: Empty Noodles into Bowl.

Step 2: Pour exactly 2/3 cup of water into bowl.  Make sure to measure from the bottom of the meniscus. 

Make sure your at eye level when taking your measurement.  Also if you can poor perfectly without having to add or dump out water of your measuring cup, your power of divination skill will increase +1 along with a +1 for luck.

Step 3: Microwave for 4 minutes.  As the mac cooks in the microwaves think about what you want to predict - will I do well on my test, will I get this job, will Sally go out on a date if I ask her, etc.  Concentrate on the mac but don't stare at the microwave.  It'll give you cancer.

Step 4: Remove bowl from microwave but be careful as the bowl may be hot.

Step 5:  Add the cheese quick and stir with a fork (Not a spoon, although after your reading of the noodles, you may eat it with a spoon).

Step 6:  Read the noodles.  After you've stirred in the cheese you will have one of three situations in front of you:

- The cheese did not mix well because most of the water evaporated.  This is the worst that                    can happen.  You're fucked or whatever you wanted to happen will not and there nothing you can do.  

- The mac is perfect.  Everything will turn out all right so apply for that job or ask Sally out, all will be well.

- The mac is too wet because not enough water evaporated.  This means that things won't turn out as you wanted but you can do somethings to try and make the situation better.  You can can try to drain some of the water but you may lose some of that cheesy goodness that mixed in with the water.  This means you can act to make the situation better but be cautious as a wrong move could ruin things.  You can also allow the mac to sit for a minute or two and some of the water will be absorbed.  This means that while things are bad, if you wait it out a bit the situation may improve a bit.  If there is way too much water for either method you may just be fucked.  Or you need a new microwave.

So go forth my friends, use the power of the mac wisely as knowing the future can be a dangerous thing.  A tasty, cheesy danger.

Early show, Empty bar

Weekend has been way too busy. Between working till 4am Friday and bartending last night then working a double today I'm bit beat. Tomorrow won't be much better tomorrow. Hasn't left me much time to blog.

Todays early show is slow as hell which means I can blog from my blackberry and do my pushups. Promise that if something exciting happens I'll tell you.